Becoming...Loved

This blog is dedicated to Breonna Taylor. Sis, I know I didn’t know you personally. But there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you and the legacy that your life was supposed to live out. People are fighting for you here. I am sorry it’s taking so long, I'm so sorry. I love you.

Can I tell y’all a secret?

Quarantine was supposed to been over and instead it is dragging me by my roots. I was not ready. I mean, yes, I asked God for some big things in March and, yes, he did come through. But I did not know that him coming through would mean I would have to identify with the painful pieces of my past. I truly didn’t. I just thought your girl was going to shed a few tears and go about her way, and God was like “No ma’am we will be healing this properly”.

Sometimes we let the enemy convince us that our pain means God doesn’t love us or He is somehow punishing us for something we’ve done. Repeat after me, pain is not punishment. It’s not. I think we think it is because it hurts and it is extremely uncomfortable and brings on a series of other emotions that we are not ready for.

A lot of us (myself included) are allowing our past to hold us hostage in in ways that God never designed because you believe that you are still a disappointment and that is not true. True and ultimate freedom with Christ is understanding and knowing in your heart that he has already paid the ultimate price for you and that God’s heart wants for His kids to be out here walking in freedom.

Are you finding it hard to love yourself today?

Remember these sweet things God wants to remind you:

God sees how hard you are trying to be loving, kind, and helpful. He understands that you will fail at all of these things! And he still loves you. Can you find the grace to love yourself even when you fail? Our culture preaches perfection He does not. He loves you even if you miss a deadline or forget to cook dinner.

God’s love for you is not contingent upon perfection. You don’t need to expect perfection from yourself. Can you look at yourself—flaws and all—and say, “I  love me because God loves me”? No one can beat you at being you sis (bro if you reading) so walk in that identity in loving who you are.

God loves you no matter what. If you are God’s child, you cannot escape his love. No amount of running can change that. He is always going to choose you, over and over. He loves you that much. He is just good like that.

God,

Please touch the hearts of every person reading this. May your love come like a flood and overwhelm them and meet them where they need it the most. God we reject lies against loneliness, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, pain, and even anger. We surrender that to you. We speak healing and breakthrough over lives, and courage to ask for help. Help them to know that they are fully known and loved by you. You have given them purpose and you are not done yet.

Sincerely,

Becoming… Loved

Becoming...Free

You belong. Your skin. You hair. Your soul. It all belongs.

You know if I close my eyes I can remember the first time I recognized myself as being black and sadly it was at the hands of someone that wasn’t black being enraged about who I am. I feel bad that they missed out on my dopeness. That they missed out on the way my smile and infectious laughter lights up rooms.

For generations before me my ancestors fought for the rights and opportunities that in 2020 it feels like we are still fighting for. Ahmaud Arbery was murdered by George and Travis McMichael. While Ahmaud was out jogging the McMichaels suspected he could be a burglar and pursued him. That pursuit resulted in his death. ⁣

For many in America, responding to the seemingly-endless shootings of African Americans has become a horrific form of muscle memory. After yet another tragedy like the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery occurs, we see similar patterns: an initial burst of reporting, followed quickly by social media commentary, followed by think-pieces across various platforms, followed by social media commentary on the think-pieces.

Within a week, however, the entire matter is tied up nicely and everyone is able to move on. Most of us forget as we return to being engrossed in our lives, only to be thrust back into this cycle when another new shooting is jarring enough to penetrate the blaring noise of our daily news-cycle.

The unjustified killings of black people in America doesn’t pick at a scab. We don’t have scabs because we haven’t had the luxury to be safe enough to heal. ⁣These murders further infect an open wound. ⁣A wound that reminds of the day to day of us trying to live and engage in a life that is worthy of showing people that who we are belongs. Recently I have allowed myself the freedom of allowing myself to be free in God’s eyes. Racism is about making quick judgments on the characteristics of a race to rate them as inferior or superior—demonstrating partiality or bias. Racism is a problem we can’t ignore or run away from. It’s an issue today, and it was an issue throughout history, including when the Bible was written. Let me tell you something though,

God brings peace where there was once strife, and kindness where there was once animosity.

For every person I feel like does not get it, God always sends me one more that has a desire to get it and understand my story fully. They pray over me, they mourn with me when I am heartbroken over another life, and most importantly they don’t try to fix it. To my white friends that are reading this and you find yourself with a friend that is not the same color as you, they just want you to check in. Ask about their stories. Remind them that they matter and that they belong. They need the reminder, because it let’s them know… they are free.

God,

We thank you that freedom truly belongs with you. That no matter what pain the world brings that we get to be connected in unity and oneness with you. I pray for the brokeness, and hurt that people of color are experiencing and they would feel seen and known in new ways. That they would know that you have not forgotten or forsaken your people no matter what the world may say. We all belong, we all matter, and we are all beautiful.

Sincerely,

Becoming...Free

Becoming...Still.

You know when you are forced to get somewhere and sit down you have a lot more time with your thoughts than you would like. You have a lot more time to talk to God about the aches and pains you have been carrying, he even gets at the stuff you don’t even wanna talk about. The hidden things are what I like to call them. Quarantine has gotten all up in my business, and I have struggled major with it.

You know what I love the most about this time though? I don’t have anyone or anything stepping in to use as my “scapegoat” for why I cannot get to The Father like I need to. I am literally the only thing standing in the way, and what I am seeing is that I would prefer to stay in the way. But God in his ever so gentle way repositions me so that he can continue get to me in a new way.

Stillness was where I began to be filled up in a new way. It is where I learned how to ask God for what I needed. It is where I learned about forgiveness. It is where I learned about trusting Him fully.

You see, yes, we are in quarantine to keep everyone else safe. But there is something so clear and evident that God has a strong desire to do in the life of everyone all over the world. He desires to break us from busyness of our day to day lives, and recenter our focus on him. He wants us to get somewhere and be still! We became those children that were so busy running around and making ourselves exhausted that we could not hear His voice like we needed to. He was still doing what daddy’s do in taking care of His children and all of our needs, but he needed call us back home to really get this work done.

Let me tell you a secret fam.

Come in close because I am going to whisper it real soft for effect.

....even though you are running you still gotta go back home.

I have some good news for you though, God is FAITHFUL and he always is ready and waiting for his kids when we are ready to stop running the race.You don’t have to be strong all the time, you don’t have to hold it all in all the time. You need a place where you can just be in the midst of everything that it is going on. In the stillness you get to experience God in a whole new way. The hardest part for me is surrendering to being out of control. I can’t be in my rhythm and God’s rhythm at the same time. So I force myself to let go, it has become a whole lot easier that way. I am able to shed the layers and identities of who I think Creseida should be and place them up against who God is already purposing me to be.

Our routines may be broken. Our reality may be awkward, but our God is still the same. I love Jesus, for real. I just keep thinking of all of the gifts that he’s filling me and my people up with in this time and it makes me so excited. Don’t let this distancing keep you from intimacy with God. Going to church is not a hobby or another item to check off the list. We have to believe in this gospel’s power to connect this world and heal our land.

God, Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to just be still. The greatest connection is our opportunity to be connected and loved by you. Thank you for providing stillness for us to remember that you are still God. May this time of quarantine provide sweet reflections of the life that you truly have for us. We can never run too far from your grace and love for us, and that is the ultimate truth. So for however long we have left in this quarantine may we spend as much time connected to you as possible.

Signed, Becoming…Still